From The Bossman: 5-Point Plan For Approaching Famous People

I won’t lie. Running a magazine is not without its trials, tribulations, 3am night sweats and
heart confabulations.

But it gives you a blessed opportunity to meet some of your heroes. “Celebrities”, for want of a better term.

When we think of fans interacting with famous people, we tend to picture the great unwashed wigging out to the likes of The Beatles; screaming, shouting, hurling of underwear and underarm hair and in general – to use the medical term – “losing their shit”.

This is the very last thing to do if you want your brief seconds with a beloved person to be memorable. If you behave this way, you will blend into the wash of mass madness that sends people like J. D. Salinger, David Bowie and Keanu Reeves into retreat.

But worry not, my fine fanatics! For I am here to deliver the Allan Sko Pro Guide For Interacting With A Famous Person. Trust me … I’m a professional.

Picture this. You’re in a cafe, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes and trying to forget – or perhaps remember – what you did last night. And then, like a scene from a movie you saw them in, your favourite Famous Person wanders in and sits down by themselves in the corner. This is your chance; your chance to interact. It ain’t happening again. So what do you do?

1. Keep Calm and Don’t Carry On (Don’t Be An Emotional Twat)

Famous People have to put up with being approached all the time. So be mindful, and respectful of this when you first approach. You may be excited, but don’t scream at them; don’t point out who they are (they’re perfectly aware that they are Keanu Reeves); in short, just don’t be a twat.

2. Introduce who you are, and set a time parameter

To whit – “Hello! Bill Hicks! My name is Allan, I’m a big fan of your work. I know you’re busy, so I’ll only take 20 seconds of your valuable time…”

Right there, you have removed anonymity, and made them know you’re not a crazed fan that will corner them for minutes on end and make them frantically search for an exit.

3. Make a General Comment

As mentioned before; “I’ve been a big fan of yours for 12 years.”

This is a simple compliment. Even Famous People like compliments. This will buy you at least another 10 seconds.

4. Zero In On A Specific Comment

“Your line? ‘Don’t worry, don’t be afraid, ever … Because This Is Just A Ride?’ That’s become a Life Philosophy for me. So thank you for that.”

This shows you actually ARE a fan by being specific; showing thanks for the person’s art will put a skip in their step.

And there you are. You’ve just had a great interaction with someone you admire; you haven’t taken too much of their time; and you affirmed for them the reason they got into whatever crazy discipline they got into in the first place.

5. If you DO End Up Losing Your Shit, Don’t Worry … YOU JUST MET KEANU FUCKING REEVES, BITCHES!!!

ALLAN SKO (ADDITIONAL MATERIAL BY LOUISE FARLEIGH)

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