Brown About Town with Suma Iyer
I had a brilliant summer break, and travelled to unwind as well as broaden my horizons. This summer I went to a few different places during a road round trip to Melbourne.
I believe that travel is essential to broadening the mind. It helps one become more attuned with nature and the lives of others, and encourages the trying of new things.
I believe that travel is essential to broadening the mind. It helps one become more attuned with nature and the lives of others, and encourages the trying of new things.
This was no less true on my vacation, because I played the PC roleplaying game Baldur’s Gate 3 for the very first time. Here are some highlights from my travels.
Melbourne: A Food Tour
Hopetoun Tea Rooms/Bakeshop
The original tea rooms were in the Block Arcade for nearly 130 years, and in its place for the moment is the Hopetoun Bakeshop, which will do for now.
I had a pear tart and an éclair, and while the genteel Edwardian feel of the old tea rooms was lacking, I was still able to enjoy the quality of these old-school baked goods in comfortable surrounds.
To honour the setting while enjoying my tea and treats, I started to play Baldur’s Gate 3 on my laptop. I chose to play a half-elf bard and was not disappointed with the choices offered for my character build.
I named my character Hopetoun Tea Rooms, in honour of the place where she should have been born if they had kept the lease agreement instead of breaking with 130 years of tradition.
Donnini’s
For dinner, I ate on fabulous Lygon Street, and was thrilled to be able to eat fresh gnocchi at Donnini’s.
I also had their cannoli, and upon eating it I realised that not only is cannoli my favourite dessert, but also that the controls for zooming and panning the camera in Baldur’s Gate 3 allowed for a truly expansive view of the landscape.
This capability gave me the opportunity to be more tactical in my planning for upcoming fights in-game. This was especially useful in the first encounter to get off the mind flayers’ ship, when I was still getting the hang of gameplay and how to use Hopetoun Tea Room’s combat abilities.
Very Good Felafel
I always make the journey to Brunswick to enjoy their truly delicious felafel and pita, which features the best tahini that I have ever eaten. It is so good that it reminds of when Hopetoun Tea Rooms in Baldur’s Gate 3 acquired some Spidersilk Armour, an amazing magic item considering how low level she was.
Wagga Wagga: A Bird Tour
On my way to Melbourne, I stopped at Wagga Wagga, which I will simply refer to as Wagga, despite song-based warnings about calling Wagga Wagga Wagga.
Contrary to stereotypes about regional towns in Australia, Wagga is a lively place with a rich history and an immersive cultural life. Not as good as Baldur’s Gate 3, but very few things are.
Not the Place of Many Crows
‘Wagga’ is the Wiradjuri word for dance, so ‘Wagga Wagga’ refers to the act of dancing or celebrating. For a long time it was thought that ‘Wagga’ meant ‘crow’, and ‘Wagga Wagga’ the ‘place of many crows’.
This is a pervasive myth put about by the crows to entrench their hold over the area. When the Firefly Mafia went bust following the introduction of electric lights (further detail below), both The Crows and The Magpies attempted to dominate Wagga.
The Pigeon Columns
There is a salubrious building on Fitzmaurice Street in Wagga that is known only to locals, and that building is home to Lifestyle Lighting, which was the very first place in the town to be blessed by electric lighting in 1979.
Before that, the town was run by Mafioso fireflies who extorted locals for money and trinkets in exchange for their luminescence.
Even if Wagga was the Place of Many Crows, pigeons have made a more lasting contribution to the life of this town. Sitting proudly above the awnings for Lifestyle Lighting are two columns of pigeon poo, deftly crafted by generations of Wagga pigeons.
These columns are so strong that they are a vital part of the structural integrity of the entire building. What is truly remarkable about these columns is that they are naturally occurring, animal refuse-based stalagmites that have grown into mighty pillars.
The pigeons themselves are humble about their contribution, but show no signs of ceasing their work on the upkeep of these monuments.
The pigeons themselves are humble about their contribution, but show no signs of ceasing their work on the upkeep of these monuments.
The Worst Thing About Wagga Wagga
While I was playing Baldur’s Gate 3 in my motel room, my laptop battery died and I realised that I had left the cable in my Airbnb in Melbourne.
Jindabyne: It Sucks
Why Jindabyne sucks:
1) My laptop continued to be dead, so I couldn’t play
Baldur’s Gate 3.
2) I couldn’t find a replacement cable for my laptop at the ski shop.
3) I was driving so I could only sample two things at the Wild Brumby schnapps distillery.
Don’t go to Jindabyne.
Suma Iyer is a travel writer and charlatan, and will be performing at the Canberra Comedy Festival in a show with Felix McCarthy, The Burden of Excellence on Sunday, 17 March at 8pm. Tickets are available at canberratheatrecentre.com.au. Follow her @sumaiyercomedy on socials.