Andie Egan

All Ages

Hey folks. Get ready to craft your own adventure with this long and varied list of things for you to see and create!

The Tuggeranong Rotary Youth Art Award is open again for young people aged 15 to 25, and the cut-off date for submissions is so close it’s as uncomfortable as an itchy homemade jumper (thanks, Nan!). Speaking of jumpers, you could actually submit an itchy homemade jumper to the competition, as all art mediums are welcome. Don’t forget to knit Parliament House on that jumper though, ‘cos they are willing to kick in an additional major prize of $2000 for a work recognizably related to the Centenary of Canberra theme. Submissions are due to the Tuggeranong Arts Centre by Tuesday May 28. Entry forms and further details can be found on the TAC website or by contacting the curator, Narelle Phillips, at narelle.phillips@tuggeranongarts.com.au or on (02) 6176 1643. The exhibition showcasing successful entries opens on Saturday June 1.

The Australian Hip Hop Championship is back this year on Saturday June 1, where competing crews will bust a move and battle it out for a spot in the national finals in Melbourne later this year. The epic battle will take place at 2pm, Lyneham High School. Tickets are available from Moshtix for $20 + bf.

Does composing words tickle your fancy? Have you ever considered a career in journalism? An internship with The Kids Are All Right might be a perfect start for you in your career path. The Kids Are All Right is an online community that provides support and advice for the parents of teenagers, and they’re looking for the inside scoop. The articles that you write for them will be aimed at parents, but will cover issues that relate to young people like you. Like the idea but not into commitment? No biggie – one-off submissions are also welcome. Expressions of interest should email contact@thekidsareallright.com.au and for more details on the internship, visit thekidsareallright.com.au/journalism-internship.

The 2013 Vanda & Young Songwriting Competition is a charity songwriting competition like no other. The competition supports young songwriters like you, whilst also raising much-needed funds for music therapy, which improves the lives of many who suffer with developmental disorders. The top prize this year is $50,000, and by paying $50 to submit your original song you’ll be in the running for this prize and supporting a worthy cause. All proceeds are donated to the Golden Stave Music Therapy Centre. You can submit as many songs as you like before the cut-off on Friday June 21, and the winners will be announced this August. The winner will join competition veterans Kimbra and Megan Washington.

Up so early, feel so bright! Bernard Fanning just wants to release his new album, tour across Australia, and wish you well! His Australia-wide tour hits Canberra on Sunday August 4. He’s handpicked the likes of Vance Joy and Big Scary to accompany him for the tour. He’s playing at Royal Theatre at 7:30pm. Tickets cost around $70 + bf and can be bought online or by calling Ticketek on 13 28 49.

And that, my friends, should be enough to keep you out of trouble...winky face.

Cheers,
ANDIE EGAN
allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

Hey folks. I don’t know about you, but recently I’ve been pondering in the depths of my soul. Who am I? Why am I here? Why does my room smell like cat pee? And what is all this fuss about YOLO? The result: bad teenage poetry, but above all, a lengthy and outrageous bucket list. If you only live once you might as well do heaps of amazing things, especially while you’re young and free. I never did solve the cat pee mystery though…

So, is being a special secret information reporter on your bucket list? If so, you should definitely consider applying for a journalism internship for The Kids Are All Right. 

Never heard of them? Here’s the rundown: The Kids Are All Right is an online community that provides support and advice for the parents of teenagers, and they’re looking for an inside opinion. The articles that you write will be aimed at parents, but will cover issues that relate to young people like your handsome self. Like the idea but not into commitment? Don’t worry, one-off submissions are also welcome. Expressions of interest should email contact@thekidsareallright.com.au and for more details on the internship, visit thekidsareallright.com.au/journalism-internship.

Or have you always wanted to be in one of those dance movies you loved so much as a young twelvie? (Don’t be ashamed, Step Up 2 is still the greatest film ever made…right guys?)

Your chance to pretend you are has finally arrived! Think of the Australian Hip Hop Championships as the final dance-in-the-rain scene from Step Up 2, and think of yourself as one of those lucky spectators. However, instead of being outside in the pouring rain, you’ll be nice and cosy within the walls of Lyneham High School. The epic battle will take place on Saturday June 1. The winning dance crew will earn a spot in the National Finals in Melbourne. Tickets are available from Moshtix for $20 + bf.  

Have you always wanted to own an awesome band t-shirt but never had the chance? Boris the Blade answers all your hopes and dreams in one glorious night, Thursday May 16, when they play at the Lanyon Youth Centre. This five-piece deathcore band hail from Melbourne and have caused waves of interest since forming in 2011. They’ve since made a name for themselves through a series of successful tours. Special bundle tickets for their show are for sale from Oztix for $25 + bf. The bundle ticket includes a Boris the Blade shirt and guitar pick. All shirts and guitar picks are redeemable upon entry at the show.

Number 30 on my bucket list leads reads as follows: befriend someone with the same last name as me. And that’s why I want to go to Alanna and Alicia Egan who launch their new album at The Merry Muse, Canberra Southern Cross Club on Friday May 10. Folk, jazz, roots and being twins is their specialty, so don’t miss it! The gig starts at 7:30pm, under 16s get in free and concessions (such as you, you fine student) admit for $14.

That’s all, folks, but remember this motto: ‘I want to live a boring life,’ said no one in the history of ever. So live it up!

Cheers,

ANDIE EGAN

allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

Hey folks! The weather may be slowly getting colder, but that’s definitely no excuse to stay inside when there’s this much going on for everyone. And I mean everyone. Yes, I’m talking to you, future journalists, guitarists, death growlers and dancers!

So young journalists, how does a journalism internship for a credible and respected online publication sound? The Kids Are All Right is an online community that provides support and advice for the parents of teenagers and they’re looking for an inside opinion. The articles that you write will be aimed at parents, but cover issues that relate to young people. One-off submissions are also welcome. Expressions of interest should email contact@thekidsareallright.com.au and for more details on the internship, visit thekidsareallright.com.au/journalism-internship.

Festival-goers! Get excited for Groovin’ the Moo which graces The Meadows at University of Canberra on Sunday April 28. Much like this column, this line-up has something for everyone: Alison Wonderland, Alpine, The Amity Affliction, The Bronx (USA), Dz Deathrays, Example (UK), Flume, Frightened Rabbit (UK), Hungry Kids of Hungary, The Kooks (UK), Last Dinosaurs, Matt and Kim (USA), Midnight Juggernauts, Pez, Regurgitator, Seth Sentry, Shockone, Tame Impala, Tegan and Sara (CAN), The Temper Trap, They Might Be Giants (USA), Tuka with Ellesquire, Urthboy, Dj Woody's Big Phat 90's Mixtape (UK), Yacht (USA), Yolanda Be Cool. Don’t forget to add triple j Unearthed winners SAFIA and Canberra’s own Citizen Kay, Julia and the Deep Sea Sirens and Elisha Bones. Tickets are available from Moshtix for $99.90 + bf.

Yo, Homeslice! Have you heard that the Australian Hip Hop Championships are on Saturday June 1 at Lyneham High School-izzle? Come along and watch Canberra’s most talented dance crews battle it out for a spot in the National Finals in Melbourne. It’ll be just like every dance movie you’ve ever seen, but better ‘coz it’s real. Tickets are available from Moshtix for $20 + bf.  

Guitarists rejoice! Ever heard of Tobias Moldenhauer? I hadn’t either, until I took a minute to YouTube some of his stuff, and it is ah-mazing! This little European diamond was tucked away into the depths of the internet, but now needs to get the attention he deserves! With his unique guitar style and relaxed vocals, he is not someone you want to miss. He plays at 7:30pm on Thursday May 2 at The Front Gallery and Café. Tickets will be sold at the door, $8 general sale or $5 for concession/student.

Boris the Blade, a five piece deathcore band hailing from Melbourne, have caused a tidal wave of interest since forming in 2011. They’ve made a name for themselves through a series of successful tours and are now bringing their show to the Lanyon Youth Centre on Thursday May 16. Special bundle tickets are for sale from Oztix for $25+ bf. The bundle ticket includes a Boris the Blade shirt and guitar pick. All shirts and guitar picks are redeemable upon entry at the show.

So, kids, let the cold weather know that you don’t fear it and slap that cold snap in the face by getting out there and amongst something you love, whatever that may be, my friend.

Cheers,

ANDIE EGAN

allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

Hey there, pretty young thing! What do you like most about being young? Is it having that feeling like you can change the world? Or just simply knowing what #YOLO means? Pick any reason at all, and then join in the free celebrations of National Youth Week, a festival of fun dedicated to youth!  

Get ready for the hottest amateur cook off that the ACT has ever seen. Come along to the finale of If You Can’t Take the Heat, Get Out Of The Kitchen! on Friday April 12. Watch the selected students from ACT high schools battle it out for the glory. Catch it at 2pm sharp at 3seeds Cooking School, Fyshwick Fresh Food Markets.  

National Youth Week and Us Folk magazine have teamed up, been hunting and found the most talented of our young Canberran artists aged 25 and under. They showcase their artwork and photography in one amazing exhibit titled The Young Ones, a testimony to the diversity of style these young artists possess. You can find the show at The Front in Lyneham until its closing date, Sunday April 14.

Keep calm, and Skate It Out! Be one of the first 200 young people through the door of Phillip Swimming and Ice Skating Centre on Thursday April 11 and receive free skating pass and hire! Entry is $10 thereafter. Come along between 8-10pm for the fun. For more info: youth.act.gov.au.

How would you like to enjoy free live music, activities, a barbeque and an art and photography exhibition all in one brilliant evening? The YWCA make this possible as they bring you the Lanyon Youth Festival on Friday April 12 between 4-9pm. Catch it at the Lanyon Youth Centre in Conder. For more information email alexis.mcneice@ywca-canberra.org.au.

No Need to be Told is an explosion of music, theatre, live art, activism workshops, markets, table tennis and clothes swapping! Specially featuring New York hip hop artist Baba Israel and Sydney rapper MC Trey, Civic Square will burst into an artistic fountain with all that creative juice flowing. Soak up all of its fountain-ey glory on Saturday April 13 between 4pm and 8pm.

Whether you’re confident or just a beginner in the realm of BMX, come along to the epic Battle of Belcompton on Sunday April 14. This freestyle BMX jam is aimed at displaying talented Canberra BMX youth, but also encouraging newbies to get involved, with prizes being awarded for participation as well. Find it at Belconnen Skate Park between 12pm and 3pm.

Don’t forget that Groovin’ The Moo is back this year on Sunday April 28, with this jaw dropping line-up: Alison Wonderland, Alpine, The Amity Affliction, The Bronx (USA), Dz Deathrays, Example (UK), Flume, Frightened Rabbit (UK), Hungry Kids of Hungary, The Kooks (UK), Last Dinosaurs, Matt and Kim (USA), Midnight Juggernauts, Pez, Regurgitator, Seth Sentry, Shockone, Tame Impala, Tegan and Sara (CAN), The Temper Trap, They Might Be Giants (USA), Tuka with Ellesquire, Urthboy, Dj Woody's Big Phat 90's Mixtape (UK), Yacht (USA), Yolanda Be Cool. Catch it at the University of Canberra. Tickets are available from Moshtix for $99.90 + bf.

If you want more information about National Youth Week events, check out the Facebook page at facebook.com/NationalYouthWeekACT and remember the festival’s motto: Be happy. Be active. Be you.

Cheers,
ANDIE EGAN
allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

Hey folks! Let’s all go on an Easter egg hunt, but instead of finding chocolate eggs, we’ll find all age gigs! Much rarer than said chocolate egg, but definitely more delicious and lower in calories. This Easter Bunny-themed column was inspired by two things: First, my love of little furry mammals, and second, this joke: Q: How do you catch the Easter Bunny? A: Hide behind a tree and make carrot noises. But back to this gig hunt, where do we start looking? I’m not sure, but I know eggs marks the spot.

Q: What did the Easter Bunny say when he found out that The Lane Cove, Ocean Grove, and Here’s to Hoping were playing at the Lanyon Youth Centre? A: Eggsellent. He even thought he might take the afternoon off on Sunday March 31 to see it. His only request was that Here’s to Hoping immediately amend the obvious spelling error in the word ‘hopping’. The doors will open at 3pm, where tickets can be bought for $10. All proceeds will be going towards the Black Dog Institute.

Q: What kind of movies do bunnies like? A: One’s with hoppy endings. Speaking of movies and the arts, are you a young emerging artist aged 16-30? If you answered yes, you can now register to be a part of watershed, the National Theatre Summit for Young and Emerging Artists. The summit will feature workshops, seminars, discussions and performances for professional development in this career path. It runs for three days between Thu-Sat April 11-13 at Gorman House Arts Centre. The cost is $50 and registrations close Friday April 5. To register, visit watershed.cytc.net.

Q: Why couldn’t the rabbit fly home for Easter? A: He didn’t have the hare fare. Now, a flying bunny is one thing, but a flying idea is a whole other basket. (Pun intended. Pun always intended). An Idea Takes Flight is a collection of three short plays directed by a group of NIDA 2012 graduates. First of the trio, Playhouse, takes a deep look into how far we’ll go to accommodate actions in the name of love. Second, I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change! is a comedic number which follows the cycle of life and uncovers our need for connection. The third, The Witches, a favourite Roald Dahl story, will be brought to life from the grave of nostalgia. You can catch this great opportunity at Gorman House Arts Centre between Mon-Wed April 4-6. Tickets are available through Ticketek.

And last but not least, Groovin’ The Moo is back this year on Sunday April 28. Here’s the line-up: Alison Wonderland, Alpine, The Amity Affliction, The Bronx (USA), Dz Deathrays, Example (UK), Flume, Frightened Rabbit (UK), Hungry Kids of Hungary, The Kooks (UK), Last Dinosaurs, Matt and Kim (USA), Midnight Juggernauts, Pez, Regurgitator, Seth Sentry, Shockone, Tame Impala, Tegan and Sara (CAN), The Temper Trap, They Might Be Giants (USA), Tuka with Ellesquire, Urthboy, Dj Woody's Big Phat ‘90s Mixtape (UK), Yacht (USA), Yolanda Be Cool. Catch it at the University of Canberra. Tickets are available from Moshtix for $99.90 + bf.

Cheers,

ANDIE EGAN

allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

Hey folks! Have you ever eaten a potato? Have you ever worn green or ever mistaken that glass of Guinness sitting on the bench for a coke? The bitter liquid aftermath ain’t pretty, my friends, but I ask because I want to know, are you Irish enough for this St Paddy’s-themed column? Answering yes to any of the above questions will qualify you. You must now read the rest of this in an Irish accent and forget whatever your name used to be. You will be known as Seamus, regardless of your gender.

So now that you’re officially Irish, how will you prep yourself for Sunday March 17? A good place to start would be at the Charny Carny on Saturday March 16. You can have your face painted green and imagine that you’re from the Irish Quidditch team that won against Bulgaria in the grand final as you ride the flying chairs ride (chair, broom, it’s all the same). You could also pretend to be St Patrick in the dodgem car arena and that everyone around you is a snake whilst you drive them out of Ireland. You can find the carnival on the Canberra Christian Life Centre Community Oval between 12pm to 6pm. For more information on the carnival, visit charnycarnival.org.au/carnival.

If partying it up carnival style isn’t your St Paddy’s Day eve jam, don’t fear, ‘cos Skyfire is an event just pregnant with ways to publicly display your pride. Set up camp on the banks of Lake Burley Griffin and serenade randoms with a rendition of Danny Boy, because mournful ballads and fireworks go together like PB & J. The partying begins at 6pm with a free concert held at the Regatta Point Stage and the firework display starting at 8:30pm.

So that’s Paddy’s Eve covered, and what you do on the actual day is up to yourself, young Seamus, but if you’re feeling like a bit of arts and culture to cheer yourself up after your potato hangover, you’re quite in luck, because the You Are Here festival is bringing a pot of artsy gold your way. Prayers in the Streetlight will showcase its unique approach to performance art that takes place inside of cars. Now that’s what I call installation art. Come along to the Canberra Theatre Car Park at 7pm on Monday March 18 for the ride. And don’t worry about being able to afford it cos’ it’s free. This event is one amongst many of the strange and wonderful things happening during the You Are Here festival, so if you’re interested make sure you check out the online programme at youareherecanberra.com.au.

And last but not least, Groovin’ The Moo is back this year on Sunday April 28 and I suggest you go wearing nothing but a shamrock. Disclaimer: That was a joke. I am joking.

Here’s the line-up: Alison Wonderland, Alpine, The Amity Affliction, The Bronx (USA), Dz Deathrays, Example (UK), Flume, Frightened Rabbit (UK), Hungry Kids of Hungary, The Kooks (UK), Last Dinosaurs, Matt and Kim (USA), Midnight Juggernauts, Pez, Regurgitator, Seth Sentry, Shockone, Tame Impala, Tegan and Sara (CAN), The Temper Trap, They Might Be Giants (USA), Tuka with Ellesquire, Urthboy, Dj Woody's Big Phat 90's Mixtape (UK), Yacht (USA) and Yolanda Be Cool. Catch it at the University of Canberra. Tickets are available from Moshtix for $99.90 + bf.

Cheers,

ANDIE EGAN.

All Ages

Have you ever wondered why no one has ever bothered to put a restaurant on the moon? It probably wouldn’t be successful, due to the lack of atmosphere. Greetings humanoids and welcome to my outer space-themed column, where you can feel that pang of sadness when you realise that a) your travel is limited to that of this world, and b) that earthly travel is so expensive, but then feel happy when you remember that at least living on earth includes one free annual trip around the sun.

Q: Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space? A: He was looking for Pluto. Now imagine that you’re Mickey Mouse, but instead of looking for Pluto, you’re stranded on a boat with a vicious tiger looking for strategies to survive. Thanks to that analogy, you probably have a better idea of what The Life of Pi is about, and now have the immediate urge to see it on Saturday March 2 at the Australian National Botanic Gardens. To purchase tickets (before 4pm on the day) visit Moshtix.

We all know that David Bowie thought that ‘planet Earth is blue, and there’s nothing I can do’ but we all also know that all Mr Bowie really needed to do was shower the earth in cotton candy and other assorted delights to cheer it up. If the fact that gravity exists gets you down, no fear, head to the Charny Carny on Saturday March 16. You can find it at the Canberra Christian Life Centre Community Oval between 12pm to 6pm. For more information visit charnycarnival.org.au/carnival.

Q: Where do astronauts leave their spaceships? A: At parking meteors. If meteors take your fancy, come along to Skyfire to watch some pretty manmade meteors explode on Saturday March 16 at Lake Burley Griffin. The festivities begin at 6pm with a free concert held at the Regatta Point Stage and the fireworks display starting at 8:30pm.

Q: How do you know that Saturn has married more than once? A: Because he has lots of rings. That’s something that Saturn probably wanted me to keep on the down low. You know what else usually stays on the down low? The annual You Are Here festival. Never heard of it? That doesn’t surprise me, because You Are Here is an arts festival devoted to Canberra’s underground culture and alternative arts scene. From poetry slams to live music to dance, there’s something for everyone. The festival runs from Thu-Sun March 14-24 and you can find an online programme at youareherecanberra.com.au.

Q: Why did the cow go in the spaceship? A: It wanted to jump over the moon! Speaking of cows, did you know that Groovin’ The Moo is back this year on Sunday April 28 at The University of Canberra? With a line-up like this, you won’t want to miss it: Alison Wonderland, Alpine, The Amity Affliction, The Bronx (USA), Dz Deathrays, Example (UK), Flume, Frightened Rabbit (UK), Hungry Kids of Hungary, The Kooks (UK), Last Dinosaurs, Matt and Kim (USA), Midnight Juggernauts, Pez, Regurgitator, Seth Sentry, Shockone, Tame Impala, Tegan and Sara (CAN), The Temper Trap, They Might Be Giants (USA), Tuka with Ellesquire, Urthboy, Dj Woody's Big Phat 90's Mixtape (UK), Yacht (USA), Yolanda Be Cool. Tickets are available from Moshtix for $99.90 + bf.

Cheers,

ANDIE EGAN

allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

Hey folks! If you haven’t noticed, apparently there’s been a higher concentration of love in the air than usual. It’s all meant to be in the build up to one day in particular: Valentine’s Day. It’s known to some as a gentle reminder to stop and celebrate love and to a special few it’s a day of mourning known as ‘Forever Alone Day’. I would like to propose a new use for February 14; I think it’s an excellent opportunity to riddle this column with bad jokes. Let it begin!

Q: What do you give a lover who asked for ‘some chocolate and few little surprises’?

A: Kinder Surprise. However, if your romantic interest has asked to see a classic ‘60s rom-com under the stars on Thursday February 14, then take them to the outdoor screening of Breakfast at Tiffany’s. The night kicks off at 7pm at the National Botanic Gardens. For those of you who call it Forever Alone Day… bring your pet rock! To purchase tickets (before 4pm on the day) visit Moshtix. 

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m forever alone, how about you? (Egan, 2013). Kidding, but if your inner poet is as active (and less tormenting) than mine, perhaps you could try write poems about Canberra’s 100^th birthday. The 2013 Poetry in ACTION competition wants you to submit a short poem of eight lines with a Canberra Centenary theme. Ten winning poems will be displayed on ACTION buses and winners will receive $500 prize money. The closing date for entries is Friday February 15. For submissions or more information visit arts.act.gov.au.

Q: What does a car lover do for his car on February 14? A: He gives it a Valenshine! And what do you do with the dodgem cars at this year’s tenth annual Charny Carny? Destroy all! Coz’ nothing says ‘I love you, honey’ like missing all of your front teeth. You can find the carnival on the Canberra Christian Life Centre Community Oval on Saturday March 16 between 12pm and 6pm. For more information visit charnycarnival.org.au/carnival.

Q: What did one light bulb say to the other? A: ‘I love you a whole watt...C’mon baby light my fire!’ More like, ‘C’mon baby light my Skyfire’. Come one, come all on Saturday March 16 and watch the pretty lights explode over Lake Burley Griffin. The festivities begin at 6pm with a free concert held at the Regatta Point Stage. The brilliant display of fireworks starts at 8:30pm.

Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend? A: I love you a tonne! Speaking of elephants and songs about them, did you know Tame Impala is playing at Groovin’ The Moo? GTM is back this year on Sunday April 28 at The Meadows, University of Canberra. With a line-up like this, you won’t want to miss it: Alison Wonderland, Alpine, The Amity Affliction, The Bronx (USA), DZ Deathrays, Example (UK), Flume, Frightened Rabbit (UK), Hungry Kids of Hungary, The Kooks (UK), Last Dinosaurs, Matt and Kim (USA), Midnight Juggernauts, Pez, Regurgitator, Seth Sentry, ShockOne, Tegan and Sara (CAN), The Temper Trap, They Might Be Giants (USA), Tuka with Ellesquire, Urthboy, DJ Woody's Big Phat ‘90s Mixtape (UK), Yacht (USA), Yolanda Be Cool. Tickets are available from Moshtix for $99.90 + bf.

Cheers,

ANDIE EGAN

allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

Knock knock. ‘Who’s there?’ Only the most underrated type of lame joke there is: the knock-knock joke, a favourite amongst punsters everywhere, known for its incredible speed in conjuring incessant laughter across scores of people everywhere! But contrary to popular belief, all is not well in the land of the knock-knock joke. 

You see, there are some people out there who think there’s an age line you cross when it’s unacceptable to make these jokes anymore. These people are wrong. Now, youngsters of Canberra, I never endorse violence. But on the rare occasion that these kinds of fun sponges come knocking at your door you have my permission to punch them in the face (only in your imagination of course) ‘cos that is delivering your punchline in style. Then feel free to step over their concussed carcass and cross into the world of all age activities waiting for you.

Knock knock. ‘Who’s there?’ Britney Spears. ‘Britney spears who?’ Knock knock. ‘…Who’s there?’ Oops! I did it again. If you ever fancied yourself as a poet in the prodigious league of Britney Spears (You think I’m in love/That I’m sent from above...) then maybe you should enter yourself into the 2013 Poetry in ACTION competition.

All ACT residents are invited to submit a short poem of eight lines. Ten winning poems will be displayed on ACTION buses and winners will receive $500. Poems should have a Canberra/Centenary/birthday theme and the closing date for entries is Friday February 15. For more information or to submit poems visit arts.act.gov.au.

Knock knock. ‘Who’s there?’ Philip. ‘Philip who?’ Phillip my bag with candy – at The Charny Carny! Celebrate ten years of old-fashioned community fun by ramming aggressively into your fellow human in the dodgem cars (‘No, really, that’s okay. I didn’t want my front teeth anyway...’). You can find the carnival on the Canberra Christian Life Centre Community Oval on Saturday March 16 between 12pm and 6pm. For more information visit charnycarnival.org.au/carnival.

Knock knock. ‘Who's there?’ It’s Grandad. ‘Crap! Stop the funeral!’ And that joke has left me with a non-existent segue between funerals and fireworks, but what the hey; come one, come all to Skyfire on Saturday March 16 at Lake Burley Griffin. Bring your friends for a picnic under the stars and the colourful melting sky. The festivities begin at 6pm with a free concert held at the Regatta Point Stage and the brilliant display of fireworks starting at 8:30pm.

Knock knock. ‘Who's there?’ Interrupting cow. ‘Interrup-’ Did you hear that the line-up is being released today for Groovin’ The Moo? Canberra should celebrate the day that someone decided to bring this festival to our once dry and barren musical shores. We now have luscious festival promise land at The Meadows, University of Canberra that flows with milk, honey and a giant inflatable condom tent. The festival will be back this year on Sunday April 28 and tickets will be available from Wednesday February 6 for $99.90 + bf.

Anyways folks, peace and enjoy the new year ahead. But before I go, one last joke for the road: Knock knock. ‘Who’s there?’ Quacker. ‘Quacker who?’ Quacker ‘nother bad knock-knock joke and you’ll have to go. Yeah folks, that would be my cue.

Cheers,

ANDIE EGAN

allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

Hey folks! I thought I’d welcome in the first column of this delicious New Year with one of my favourite things about last year’s Christmas holiday. ‘Was it the spirit of giving?’ you ask. Why no, it wasn’t. But then surely, Andie, it was the love, warmth and joy you received by being surrounded with loved ones and food? Nope. It was Christmas cracker jokes. Those sweet thin rectangles of joy that make up for the fact that paper crowns don’t suit me and my pack of coloured crayons are automatically redundant because I’m not four.

Here’s cracker-licious joke number one: Q: What did the pencil say to the paper? A: I dot my i’s on you son. You know where else I dot my i’s? Mastin – as in Reece Mastin. I’ve always thought that winning X Factor would equate to the feeling of wearing roughly 1000 paper Christmas cracker crowns. Our beloved teen idol of X Factor fame and abundant paper crowns will be playing at the AIS Arena on Wednesday January 23. Tickets are $72 + bf and can be bought online from Ticketek or by calling them on 13 28 49.

Cracker-licious joke number two: Q: Why do chickens watch television? A: For hentertainment. If you need some hentertainment of your own, then go by some chickens. However, if you’re aged 12-25 and lack some quality entertainment for these long boring summer holidays, check out the Woden Youth Centre’s Summer Holiday Calender. There’s a social event on almost every day to keep you happily busy all January and early February, including movies, dancing, craft, swimming and more. You can find more information on their Facebook page: facebook.com/WodenYouthCentre.

Cracker-licious joke number three: Q: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school? A: Because her pupils were so bright. That one is only funny when you’ve had too much egg nog, trust me. But if we think back to teachers and school, we might remember a handy thing or two from English class for when we enter the 2013 Poetry in ACTION competition.

All ACT residents are invited to submit a short poem of eight lines. Ten winning poems will be displayed on ACTION buses and winners will receive $500. Poems should have a Canberra/Centenary/birthday theme and the closing date for entries is Friday February 15. For more information or to submit poems visit arts.act.gov.au.

Cracker-licious joke number four: Q: What do you call a train loaded with toffee? A: The chew chew train. Speaking of toffee and other assorted candy, how excited are you for the tenth annual Charny Carny on Saturday March 16? So excited. You can find the carnival on the Canberra Christian Life Centre Community Oval between 12pm to 6pm. For more information visit charnycarnival.org.au/carnival.

And lastly, Q: Why is milk fast? A: 'Cos it's pasteurised before you see it. I guess you could say it moos pretty fast – Groovin the Moos pretty fast, that is. Just letting you know nice and early that our beloved festival will be back this year on Sunday April 28 at The Meadows, University of Canberra. The line-up will be announced on Wednesday January 30 and tickets will be available from Wednesday February 6 for $99.90 +bf.

Cheers, 

Andie Egan

allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

I’ve got blisters on my fingers! And a wonderful feeling that I’ll be dropping Beatles puns and lyrics Helter Skelter throughout this column, all while hoping that no one will ever band the pun coz it’s mightier than the sword, and my greatest joy in life. As always, this theme was brought to you by this wonderful lame joke: Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus in the garden (in the shade)? A: ‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.’ So very appropriate for this Rubber Soul band, band, band… Anyways folks, get ready coz Here Comes the fun!

And I say, it’s alright. But actually, it’s more than alright; the students performing in the ACTcent 2012 Concert are amazing! Come along to watch 18 of the most talented Year 12 music students from across the ACT play. The concert kicks off at 7pm on Saturday December 8 and will run roughly til’ 9pm. The event is hosted by the ANU School of Music in Llewellyn Hall. Entry is by gold coin donation.

Warning: Some of the upcoming artworks may be so amazing that you may get kaleidoscope eyes from looking. Come along to the fourth annual College Express Exhibition at the Belconnen Arts Centre, which exhibits the most outstanding artworks by Year 11 & 12 art students from the Belconnen region. These talented young artists explore life through drawing, painting, photography, textiles and design technology. Being for the Benefit of Mr Kite, the show will be on the night of Friday December 14 at 6pm. No trampolines though, sorry. Meet the artists at 3pm on Saturday December 15. The exhibition closes in January 2013.

Parkway singing in the dead of night! All your life, you were only waiting for the moment to see Parkway Drive (that’s how the song goes, right?). If you’re still not following, Beatles fans, think of Molly, who’s the singer of a band, as Winston; her happy life in the market place with Desmond Jones as an extreme gig of hardcore awesomeness; and the kids running in the yard as supports I Killed the Prom Queen, Northlane and Survival. Good thing you don’t need to go Across the Universe to see them at the UC Refectory. Catch them on Sunday December 16. Tickets cost $45.90 + bf and can be bought online at Ticketek.

The Boys of Summer tour is back on Wednesday January 16 and with it brings Deez Nuts, Comeback Kid, For the Fallen Dreams and Hand Of Mercy. My guess is that due to their popularity, you’ll be Within Queue, Without View for a while and if there’s a mosh pit a chorus of ‘all my shoving, I will send to you’ would break out. The gig kicks off at 6pm at the Woden Youth Centre. Tickets are $36 + bf and are available from Moshtix.

I don’t know how to say goodbye, I say live show – Reece Mastin’s live show that is. If you’re keen to see him live, he plays at the AIS on Wednesday January 23. Tickets are $72 + bf and can be bought online from Ticketek.

Remember, All You Need Is Love!

Cheers,
ANDIE EGAN
allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

Hey folks. Who else is hanging out for summer and all the awesome gigs it brings? Maybe most importantly, School’s Out For Summer (really hoping you sang that in your head) and, on a more personal note, school’s out forever (that was your second chance for some mental karaoke)! So I thought I’d simultaneously mourn and celebrate for the classes I’ll miss – and won’t miss – with a school-themed column.

Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to school? A: Because he wanted to go to high school. And where did he want to go after high school? To the 7^th annual CIT School Stars Band Competition, of course! Support your fellow Year 7-12 student as they battle it out on stage. It’s at the CIT Music Industry Centre in Woden on Thursday November 22 from 4pm-9pm. Entry is free.

My favourite science class joke: Q: Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together? A: OMg! But did you hear that Corinbank music and arts festival has been rescheduled for Fri Nov 30-Sun Dec 2? Again, OMG! After unprecedented rainfall back in March when the festival was originally scheduled, Corinbank is now back to celebrate life in an explosion of music, art and general awesomeness. And here’s the line-up: Busby Marou, Dallas Frasca, The Barons of Tang, Jack Carty, Heath Cullen, Lucie Thorne, Cilla Jane, Amax-Duo, Beth 'n' Ben, Big Score, Brass Knuckle Brass Band, Caity Sarah/This n That, Cracked Actor, D'Opus & Roshambo, Fun Machine, Hashemoto, The James Fahy Trio, Julia & the Deep Sea Sirens, Los Chavos, Matt Dent, Drew Walky & the Hypnotic Planigales, Pocket Fox, Moochers Inc, No Hausfrau, Son Of Rut, The Burley Griffins, The Ellis Collective, The Fuelers, Waterford and Zoopagoo. You’ll find the festival at Corin Forest, Corin Dam Road, Tuggeranong. All tickets that were purchased for the original festival in March are valid for this event. Go to their website for the schedule and ticketing information: corinbank.com.

I was never really the most logical thinker. To me, math class would always be like: 2 + 2 = 4 and the exam would always feel like: If Lisa has 12 apples, and her bus leaves four minutes early, calculate Earth’s mass. But one piece of logic that I completely understand is making sure you get to see Parkway Drive live, because summer + awesome gig = awesome night. They’re playing at the UC Refectory on Sunday December 16 and are supported by I Killed the Prom Queen, Northlane and Survival. Tickets cost $45.90 +bf and can be bought through Ticketek.

English or science class could always be made a bit easier with the occasional joke, such as this one. Q: How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature in summer? A: Romeostasis. Speaking of summer, the Boys of Summer tour is back on Wednesday January 16 and with it brings Deez Nuts, Comeback Kid, For the Fallen Dreams and Hand Of Mercy to the Woden Youth Centre. Tickets are $36 + bf and are available from Moshtix.

I’m out folks, but before I go, Q: Why did the Cyclops close his school? A: Because he only had one pupil. Farewell, education. You’ve been good to me.

Cheers,
ANDIE EGAN
allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

Tom Riddle me this: how many Krummy Harry Potter knock-knock jokes would it take for me to decide that it was a good theme for a column? One. And here it is: Knock knock. (Who’s there?) You know who. That’s right. Your very own Harry Potter-themed column has apparated into your hands, Siriusly! No black magic at all. You may have been waiting for this theme (‘12 YEARS OF IT! IN AZKABAN’), but I couldn’t  hold it back any longer, because on the Potter obsession scale, going from one to ten, I’d say I’m about a 9 and ¾.

It would be a Seamus for you to miss out on LIVE@BAC on Friday November 9. What more could you want than local acoustic artists and beautiful views of Lake Ginninderra? (I guess Voldemort could’ve wanted a nose more than that…) It’ll be held at the Belconnen Arts Centre. It costs $5 at the door and runs 5:30-7:30pm. Details on performers are put up each month on their website: belconnenartscentre.com.au.

If they wanted to, the girls of the Canberra Roller Derby League could sing, ‘They see me Rowling, they hating,’ as they Slytherin to their roller skates before the Canberra Roller Derby League Grand Final on Saturday November 17, and I sincerely hope they do. Two games will be held at the AIS, the first to decide third place and the last to decide the winner. Tickets are $14.10 for under 15s and $24.35 + bf for 16s and over. Tickets can be bought online through Ticketek.

Accio amazing gig! If you can whip your hair back and forth at this gig more than Hogwarts whips its stairs back and forth, you can then claim that you’re a true metalcore fan. Parkway Drive are playing at the UC Refectory on Sunday December 16. They’re supported by I Killed the Prom Queen, Northlane and Survival. It would be ridikulus if you missed it. Tickets cost $45.90 +bf and can be bought online at Ticketek.

Earlier this year the Corinbank music and arts festival was cancelled due to unprecedented rainfall. It’s now back, running Fri Nov 30-Sun Dec 2, to promote Australian bands and artists, showcase the Brindabella Mountains, and celebrate life in an explosion of awesomeness. Here’s the line-up: Busby Marou, Dallas Frasca, The Barons Of Tang, Jack Carty, Heath Cullen, Lucie Thorne, Cilla Jane, Amax-Duo, Beth n Ben, Big Score, Brass Knuckle Brass Band, Caity Sarah/This ‘n’ That, Cracked Actor, D'Opus & Roshambo, Fun Machine, Hashemoto, The James Fahy Trio, Julia & the Deep Sea Sirens, Los Chavos, Matt Dent, Drew Walky & the Hypnotic Planigales, Pocket Fox, Moochers Inc, No Hausfrau, Son Of Rut, The Burley Griffins, The Ellis Collective, The Fuelers, Waterford and Zoopagoo. You’ll find the festival at Corin Forest, Corin Dam Road, Tuggeranong. All tickets that were purchased for the originally scheduled festival in March are still valid for this event. Go to their website for more schedule and ticketing information: corinbank.com.

This column has been just magical for me. I’m out, folks, but one final thing: remember when you’re feeling a bit down, you may have 99 problems but a snitch ain’t one.

Cheers,

ANDIE EGAN
allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

Hey folks. I’ve been reading my horrorscope recently, and it said that this Halloween is going to be great (a given for any fan of the horror genre). Now all I have to do is go to the boo!-tique for a costume, prepare some pumpkins and demand candy from strangers (which is ironic, when childhood is spent learning not to take candy from strangers). Oh, and I almost forgot, I’ve also got to tell you guys about all ages stuff whilst torturing you with some good ol’ Halloween pun-ishment.

If you were a skeleton, you’d pick up your tele-bone to invite people to see Hot Chelle Rae live with you, and then you’d realise that you have no body to go with. But you’re probably not a skeleton, so make sure you’re free on Sunday October 28 when they play at the Royal Theatre. They’re supported by Cher Lloyd. Tickets are $89.90 + bf and can be bought online or by calling Ticketek.

If Touche Amore and Make Do and Mend were American vampires, I’d like to imagine that they’d celebrate Fangsgiving. They are American, but they aren’t vampires. Don’t be disappointed though, their gig would suck if they were. They play at the Tuggeranong Youth Centre on Sunday November 4. The gig runs 6:30pm-10pm. Tickets are $35 + bf and can be bought online at Moshtix.

Q. What is a mummy's favourite kind of music? A. Wrap music. And what’s your favourite kind of music on a Friday night? The local acoustic kind that they have at LIVE@BAC every month. The next one is on Friday November 9, so pop into the Belconnen Arts Centre for the gig. It costs $5 at the door and runs 5:30pm-7:30pm. Details on performers are put up each month on their website: belconnenartscentre.com.au.

Here’s one reason why the girls of the Canberra Roller Derby League are better than vampires (and therefore more worthy of your time than watching Twilight on DVD again whilst eating veinilla I-scream, thinking about your ex-ghoulfriend and realising that no one will ever love you. Boys – I know you do this): after the Canberra Roller Derby League Grand Final on Saturday November 17, they could probably handle a celebratory stake sandwich without getting heartburn. Two games will be held at the AIS; the first for deciding third place and the last to decide the winner. Tickets are $14.10 + bf for under 15s and $24.35 + bf for 16s and over. Tickets can be bought through Ticketek.

A witch gets stopped by air traffic control on her way to Parkway Drive’s gig at the UC Bar and Refectory on Sunday December 16, because for a moment she’s lost. The inspector looks at the two dead toads she’s carrying and says, ‘Sorry ma’am, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’ They’re supported by I Killed the Prom Queen, Northlane and Survival. Tickets cost $45.90 + bf through Ticketek.

And one last terrible joke, just for you. Q: Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry? A: They're afraid of flying off the handle.

Cheers,
ANDIE EGAN

allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

Hey folks. I don’t know about you, but I’m currently on holidays and that means plunging headfirst into a fantasy movie frenzy and pretending that I’m Legolas drawing back my arrow of awesomeness. Or Arwen, who Aragorn conveniently loves. All I had to do next was find some jokes to fit my mood and a column that needed Lord Of The Ringification.

The LIFT OFF music competition and festival is back again, so think of your band like the Fellowship Of The Sing and think of winning the comp as destroying the ring at Mordor. Except instead of ending up at Mount Doom, you end up with recording sessions, a professional photo shoot, website design and advertising in BMA. There will be three heats to decide the winning band. The first two heats will be held on Friday November 2 andSaturday November 3 at the Woden Youth Centre. The finals and festival will be held on Saturday November 10at Eddison Park in Woden where House vs. Hurricane will be headlining. Registrations close on Friday October 12. For updates and registration forms see their Facebook page: facebook.com/liftofffestivalcanberra.

It would be very orcward if you knew that The Woohoo Revue were playing at the White Eagle Polish Club onThursday October 18 and you still didn’t go. Anyone who saw them live at the folkie earlier this year raved about them and we’re absolutely Galadriel that they were there. The gig starts at 7:30pm and is $15 at the door. 
Instead of taking the hobbits to Isengard, take them to Southern Cross Stadium in Tuggeranong to watch two local Roller Derby teams battle it out with The Surly Griffins Vs. The Brindabelters on Saturday October 20. Just don’t let Frodo in the skating ring; he’s bound to destroy it. Doors will open at 5pm for a 6pm start. Tickets are $11.75 + bf and can be bought online at Oztix. 

What’s that you say? Gimli some tickets to Hot Chelle Rae? Just make sure you’re free on Sunday October 28when they play at The Royal Theatre. They’re supported by Cher Lloyd. Tickets are $89.90 +bf and can be bought online or by calling Ticketek on 13 28 49.

You shall not pass ‘coz you’re under 18. Just kidding, come to the Tuggeranong Youth Centre on Sunday November 4 to see Touche Amore and Make Do And Mend. The gig goes from 6:30pm-10pm. Tickets are $35 + bf and can be bought online at Moshtix.

One does not simply walk into a game of Roller Derby. One must skate. Don’t miss Roller Derby Xtreme, the touring Roller Derby tournament from America. They play at the AIS Arena on Sunday November 25. Tickets start from $64 + bf and can be bought online or by calling Ticketek.

You are Sam and Parkway Drive is your Frodo, so don’t you dare leave him. I know you don’t mean to. They will be playing at the UC Refectory on Sunday December 16. They’re supported by I Killed The Prom Queen,Northlane and Survival. Tickets cost $45.90 + bf through Ticketek.

I’m out – but before I go, I’d like to say, ‘high five!’ Oh, Frodo? I’m so Saruman. High four?

Cheers,
ANDIE EGAN

allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

Because Disney jokes are the jokes that keep on giving

Hey folks. This time I’d like to explore something that would have been (and secretly probably still is) a big part of your life: Disney. And as always, it’s for no good reason other than I found this great joke: Q: Why was Cinderella bad at football? A: She always ran away from the ball, kept losing her shoes and had a pumpkin for a coach.

If you miss out on your opportunity to see Amity Affliction, The Ghost Inside (US), Architects (UK) and Buried in Verona at the UC Refectory, you will probably turn into Jafar from Aladdin. You really don’t want that. They play on Tuesday October 2. Tickets are $51.30 + bf and can be bought online or by calling either Ticketek or Oztix.

Q: How did Mickey feel when he first saw Minnie? A: It was glove at first sight. And how did you feel when you first heard that Zombie Prom Musical was coming to the Yarralumla Woolshed? You felt like buying tickets online at Moshtix, of course. The first show is on Saturday October 6 and the second on Sunday October 7.Tickets start at $25 +bf.

Maybe your band should cover The Circle of Life for the LIFT OFF music competition and festival for people aged 12-25 (Ahhhhhhsebenyaaa!). Prizes include professional recording sessions, a band photography shoot and professional website design. There will be three heats to decide the winning band. The first two heats will be held on Friday November 2 and Saturday November 3 at the Woden Youth Centre. The finals and festival will be held on Saturday November 10 at Eddison Park in Woden where House vs. Hurricane will be headlining. Registrations close on Friday October 12. For updates and registration forms see their Facebook page: facebook.com/liftofffestivalcanberra

LIVE@BAC: local acoustic artists by Lake Ginninderra every month. So chilled that you might spontaneously turn into Dopey the dwarf. The next one is on Friday October 12 at the Belconnen Arts Centre. It costs $5 at the door and runs from 5:30pm-7:30pm. Details on performers are put up each month on their website: belconnenartscentre.com.au

Disney is American, and so are the band Hot Chelle Rae (yep, that’s my segue way). They will be playing at the Royal Theatre on Sunday October 28. They are supported by Cher Lloyd. Tickets are $89.90 +bf and can be bought online or by calling Ticketek.

Touche Amore and Make Do And Mend are also American bands. They will be playing at the Tuggeranong Youth Centre on Sunday November 4. The gig goes from 6:30pm-10pm. Tickets are $35 and can be bought online at Moshtix.

You’d be Mickey Mouserable if you missed Roller Derby Xtreme, the touring Roller Derby tournament from America. They’re visiting our beloved ‘Berra on Sunday November 25. The game is on at the AIS Arena. Tickets start from $64 and can be bought through Ticketek.

Parkway Drive will be playing at the UC Refectory on Sunday December 16. They’re supported by I Killed The Prom Queen, Northlane and Survival. Tickets cost $45.90 +bf through Ticketek.

Cheers,

ANDIE EGAN

allagescolumn@gmail.com

Carpe Diem Post Cras

Hey folks! There’s plenty happening on the all ages front, so seize the day (/tomorrow) with this special procrastination themed col— Oh, sorry, didn’t finish that sentence. I was too busy alphabetizing my bookcase and procrasti-cleaning my imaginary cat. Along with a hundred other things that I didn’t need to do. I don’t recommend it. (Spoiler alert: future-you will hate you.) Something I do recommend you is to start practising with your band again, because the LIFT OFF competition and festival is coming up soon.

LIFT OFF is a music competition and festival for people aged 12-25. Prizes include professional recording sessions, a band photo shoot and professional website design. There will be three heats to decide the winning band. The first two heats will be held on Friday November 2 and Saturday November 3 at the Woden Youth Centre and the finals and festival will be held on Saturday November 10 at Eddison Park in Woden. Registrations open on Monday September 24 and close on Friday October 12. For more information, updates and registration forms see their Facebook page: www.facebook.com/liftofffestivalcanberra.

If you’re not seizing the day today, then at least seize it on Tuesday October 2. Come see

The Amity Affliction, The Ghost Inside (US), Architects (UK) and Buried In Verona at the UC Refectory. Tickets are $51.30 + bf and can be bought online or by calling either Ticketek or Oztix.

If we learn anything from the Zombie Prom Musical, it’s that zombies have feelings too, and even if you are spontaneously turned into a zombie you still shouldn’t put off asking that girl you like to the prom. Zombie Prom Musical makes its way to the Yarralumla Woolshed on Saturday October 6 and Sunday October 7. Tickets start at $25 + bf and can be bought online at Moshtix.

Hot Chelle Rae teaches us through their delightful pop song, Tonight Tonight, that we should indeed party tonight, and not put it off ‘til tomorrow night. They will be playing at the Royal Theatre on Sunday October 28, supported by Cher Lloyd. Tickets are $89.90 + bf and can be purchased via Ticketek

Touche Amore and Make Do And Mend are two passionate American hardcore punk bands. Both toured Australia separately in 2011 and now they are back and touring together. With reviews describing their music as ‘melodic as it is fierce’ and ‘refreshingly real’, it’s definitely worth seeing them – no matter how many bookcases need alphabetizing. They play at the Tuggeranong Youth Centre on Sunday November 4. The gig is from 6:30-10pm. Tickets are $35 and can be bought online at Moshtix.

Here’s a joke. Q: Why did the sad Andie miss out on tickets to Mumford & Sons? A: Procrastination. Yep, the punch line still stings a bit. Don’t let that be you. Invest in tickets ASAP for Parkway Drive at the UC Refectory on Sunday December 16. They’re supported by I Killed The Prom Queen, Northlane and Survival. Tickets cost $45.90 + bf through Ticketek.

So there, the next time you have the urge to procrastinate: just put it off.

Cheers,

ANDIE EGAN

allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

Dad, you so punny...  

Hey folks. I thought this week I’d explore the father of all joke genres: the Dad joke. And since Father’s Day is coming up, I convinced myself that it’s topical enough to be the theme of this column, with no real relevance whatsoever to all ages events. So apologies in advance for really lame literal and punny jokes. Oh, you’re hungry? Nice to meet you, Hungry! That one’s funny the first 1000 times, right?

Take Dad out on Saturday September 1 for a Father’s Day eve party. Convince him that his taste in music is out-dated, much like those photos of him when he had that terrible mullet. Take him to see local Canberra rock band Drawing North, who will be celebrating the release of their new EP, Of Sand and Stone, with a national tour. They will be playing at the UC Refectory and are supported by We Rob Banks, Sound of Seasons and Atlantis Awaits. You can either buy pre-sale tickets online at Moshtix for $15 + bf or at the door for $20.

Show Dad what you could have done if you had seriously committed to that pair of roller-skates he bought you when you were a kid: come see a game of Roller Derby at Red Bellied Black Hearts vs. The Surly Griffins on Saturday September 8.They play at the Southern Cross Stadium in Tuggeranong. Doors will open at 5pm for a 6pm start. Tickets are $11.75 + bf and can be bought online at Oztix.

Xavier Rudd is a father to two sons, so you should go see him live. Whether he tells awesome dad jokes or not, I don’t know. What I can tell you is that he will be playing at Canberra Theatre on Sunday September 9. General admission is $61.50 + bf and can be booked through the Canberra Theatre Centre at www.canberratheatrecentre.com.au

LIVE@BAC is an acoustic gig for local musicians to showcase their talent whilst surrounded by a panoramic view of Lake Ginninderra. It runs every second Friday of the month. Next one is on Friday September 14 at the Belconnen Arts Centre. It costs $5 at the door and runs from 5:30pm-7:30pm. Details on performers are put up each month on their website: www.belconnenartscentre.com.au

Bring all your underage friends to UC Refectory to see Amity Affliction, The Ghost Inside (US), Architects (UK) and Buried in Verona. They play on Tuesday October 2. Tickets are $51.30 +bf and can be bought online or by calling either Ticketek or Oztix.

It’s the ‘50s in America and we take a look into life at Enrico Fermi high school. There’s the classic boy meets girl, boy turns into zombie, but boy still wants to take girl to prom. Zombie Prom Musical makes its way to the Yarralumla Woolshed from Sat-Sun October 6-7. Tickets start at $25 + bf and can be bought online at Moshtix.

That’s it for now, folks. I’d like to end on a great pun to honour all bad Dad jokes out there:

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

ANDIE EGAN
allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

Zombies have feelings too, you know. 

Hey folks, brains have been on the mind. Zombies are underrated. There should be more drop-dead hilarious jokes written about them – like this one: What did the zombie say to his date? ‘I just love a woman with braaains!’ Don’t we all? I think it’s safe to say we all also love musicals about zombies. It gives them a chance to show their sensitive side through music and dance. Aren’t you lucky that one is coming to town?

It’s the ‘50s in America and we take a look into life at Enrico Fermi high school. There’s the classic boy meets girl, boy turns into zombie, but boy still wants to take girl to prom (oh, if I had a dollar...). Zombie Prom Musical makes its way to the Yarralumla Woolshed on Saturday October 6 and Sunday October 7. Letting you know early, so that you can be prepared for it, like you already should be for the zombie apocalypse. Tickets start at $25 + bf and can be bought online at Moshtix.

The thought of the zombie apocalypse is a tad stressful. Good thing LIVE@BAC is on Friday September 14 because it’s practically designed for chilling. In fact, why not come along every second Friday of the month as scheduled? Watch live and local artists share their talent, look at some art and kill a few zombies. It’s held at the Belconnen Arts Centre and costs $5 at the door. It runs from 5.30pm-7.30pm. Details on performers are put up each month on their website: http://www.belconnenartscentre.com.au/.

Zombies in roller-skates. Awesome, but no events of this kind are scheduled to my knowledge. However, if you’re keen to see a real game of Roller Derby, come see the Red Bellied Black Hearts vs. The Surly Griffins on Sunday September 8. They play at the Southern Cross Stadium in Tuggeranong. Doors open at 5pm for a 6pm start. Tickets are $11.75 + bf through Oztix.

Four awesome metal bands at a bar and, for once, your age doesn’t restrict you from being able to go (however, I can’t guarantee that you will be able to go if the apocalypse starts that night). The Amity Affliction, The Ghost Inside (US), Architects (UK) and Buried in Verona play on Tuesday October 2 at UC Refectory. Tickets are $51.30 + bf and can be purchased online or by calling Ticketek or Oztix.

You know who probably wouldn’t eat your brains if you saw him live? Xavier Rudd. This chilled-out acoustic wonder will be playing at Canberra Theatre Centre on Sunday September 9. In fact his music is so chill, I can imagine it to cause humans and zombies alike to hold hands in a circle, swaying to the music in a gesture of unity (then we pull the guns out and kill em’). General admission is $61.50 + bf and can be booked by calling (02) 6275 2700 or online at http://www.canberratheatrecentre.com.au

So that’s it from the all ages front for now. I wish you all luck in the upcoming apocalypse. If you happen to befriend one for some reason, I heard their favourite toys are dead-y bears.

Cheers,

ANDIE EGAN
allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

Hey folks! Welcome to my birthday-themed column. It’s on the brain because in my group of friends, most of us are born roughly within a week of each other, so we all experience a slow and constant stream of feeling bereft over money for presents. This theme clearly has nothing to do with all ages stuff, and I could try justify it with, “Oh, but BMA Magazine turns 400 issues old very soon” or, “Oh, but I’m wearing an imaginary party hat whilst typing this.” But really it’s ‘coz I saw this awesome lame joke I had to share: What does a clam do on his birthday? He shellabrates! Ha! Anyways...

Remember when you were about five and received a pair of roller-skates for your birthday?

Well, imagine if someone then gave you a bag full of lollies and the consequential sugar burst propelled you into a career of awesomeness in Roller Derby. If you can’t imagine it, you don’t have to – come watch Red Bellied Black Hearts vs. Black 'n' Blue Belles on Saturday August 11. They battle it out at the Southern Cross Stadium in Tuggeranong. Doors open at 5pm for a 6pm start. Tickets are $11.75 + bf and can be bought online at Oztix.

Also on Saturday August 11, our very own Canberra hardcore band, When Giants Sleep, joins forces with other local and South Coast bands at the Woden Youth Centre. The line-up includes Snakepit, The Sweet Apes, Perspectives and Cold Youth. Tickets are $10 and can be bought at the door, which opens at 6pm. The gig runs until 9.30pm.

Live@BAC is practically designed for chillaxing-to-the-maxing, and is held the second Friday of every month. Your next chance to unwind whilst overlooking the panoramic view of Lake Ginninderra/checking out the artwork, is on Friday August 10 at the Belconnen Arts Centre. It costs $5 at the door and runs from 5.30pm-7.30pm. Details on performers are put up each month on their website: http://www.belconnenartscentre.com.au/

Antagonist A.D. (NZ), Lionheart (US) and Shinto Katana (Aus) are playing at the Tuggeranong Youth Centre on Wednesday August 15. Tickets are $23.10 and can be purchased through Moshtix online or by calling 1300 438 849.

Not having an 18th birthday won’t restrict you from seeing four awesome metal bands at a bar. The Amity Affliction, The Ghost Inside (US), Architects (UK) and Buried In Verona play on Tuesday October 2 at UC Bar. Tickets are $51.30 + bf and can be bought online or by calling either Ticketek on 132849 or Oztix on 1300 762 545.

And again, just letting you know nice and early that the chilled out acoustic wonder Xavier Rudd will be playing at Canberra Theatre on Sunday September 9. General admission is $61.50 + bf and can be booked by calling (02) 6275 2700 or online at http://www.canberratheatrecentre.com.au

Cheers,

ANDIE EGAN
allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

Hey folks! I'm feeling the whole Christmas in July vibe up in my crib. Partly ‘coz it’s really cold, but mainly because I needed an excuse to slip some terribly lame Christmas jokes in here a good deal earlier than called for, like this one: What do elves learn in school? The Elf-abet! Cue awkward silence and tumbleweed.

Yes. Yes they do. But if you, like myself, think that elves are freakishly small demons sent from the underworld to torment you in your dreams, then maybe you should write a song about it. Listen up musically talented young folk, because this is your final call from me to enter the triple j Unearthed High competition. Just upload an original song (about elves, of course) to their website by Monday July 23 for your chance to win a lunchtime concert for your school with Bliss n Eso and record a song in the triple j studios. More information on how to enter/terms and conditions can be found at www.triplejunearthed.com/unearthedhigh.

If you and your family happen to get together to celebrate Christmas in July, why not teach your Nan some moshpit etiquette when Harm’s Way (US) and Phantoms play at the Tuggeranong Youth Centre on Tuesday July 31? Those who have witnessed Harm’s Way perform have described it as a ‘rewarding journey through the hardest of sonic assaults’. There’s no doubt Nan will thank you for that. Tickets are $19.40 + bf and can be purchased online at Oztix.

Live@BAC is an excellent opportunity for chilled out vibes and panoramic views of Lake Ginninderra, and a great way to spend the second Friday of every month. So on Friday August 10 make sure you come to the Belconnen Arts Centre, pay $5 entry at the door and enjoy live local music talent from 5:30-7:30pm. Details on performers are put up each month on their website http://www.belconnenartscentre.com.au/

If you’ve ever seen Whip It and decided that roller derby is awesome, then you’re already winning at life. I think you would definitely enjoy watching the Red Bellied Black Hearts vs. Black 'n' Blue Belles on Saturday August 11. Doors will open at the Southern Cross Stadium in Tuggeranong at 5pm for a 6pm start. Tickets are $11.75 + bf through Oztix.

On a more hardcore note, Antagonist A.D. (NZ), Lionheart (US) and Shinto Katana are playing at the Tuggeranong Youth Centre on Wednesday August 15. These bands have toured previously with the likes of Parkway Drive, Have Heart and Earth Crisis. Tickets can be purchased online through Moshtix or on 1300 438 849.

And finally, just letting you know nice and early that the chilled-out acoustic wonder Xavier Rudd will be playing at Canberra Theatre on Sunday September 9. General admission is $61.50 + bf and can be booked by calling (02) 6275 2700 or online at http://www.canberratheatrecentre.com.au

So there you have it, kids. That’s all the all age action you need this Christmas in July. Just promise me that you’ll take it easy on the eggnog. Have a merry time folks.

Andie Egan
allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

Greetings friends! Blasting Hot Chocolate’s You Sexy Thing is definitely one way to assist your study for exams. (Hopefully your internal or external voice sang the start of the chorus.) Note: it assists almost disturbingly well. I highly recommend it. I think it’s easy to forget amongst the stress of exams that they actually mean the glorious school holidays are nigh. Miracle, right? Well I believe in them. You sexy thing… Anyways, my point is there is still a lot of all ages goodness going around for us young whippersnappers in these upcoming weeks and beyond.

Do holidays make you feel like dancing away the oppression of school? Good. They should. Speaking of dancing, Kulture Break, a not-for-profit dance school are passionate about ‘influencing a culture and empowering a generation’ through dance. Help them celebrate a decade of community service Fri-Sat July 6-7 by coming to the Legacy Expo Festival 2012. Guest performers include Stan Walker, Paulini, Instant Bun, Pyro (US) and KG as well as 400 performers from various Canberra schools. It will be on at the Canberra Theatre Playhouse. Tickets can be booked by calling (02) 6257 2700 or online.

Sometimes the festive cheer of holidays makes you feel like growing a mohawk and whipping it back and forth. If this statement is true for you, I might be correct in assuming you’d like to see The Bride, Wish For Wings, Trainwreck, Immersion and Here’s To Hoping live at the Woden Youth Centre. They play on Sunday July 8 at 8pm and tickets can be purchased at the door. Warning: this is definitely the kind of music that gives you the mohawk cravings.

If you’re still keen as a hardcore bean, Harm’s Way (US) and Phantoms are coming to the Tuggeranong Youth Centre on Tuesday July 31. Those who have seen Harm’s Way perform before have described it as a “rewarding journey through the hardest of sonic assaults.” So evidently this is not a show you’ll want to miss. Tickets are $19.40 and can be bought online at Oztix.

Holidays are also for chilling out to acoustic vibes. LIVE@BAC can help you with that at the Belconnen Arts Centre foyer on Friday July 13 (and every second Friday of the month). Support the local musicians who play, view works from local visual artists while you’re at it, and enjoy the view of the lake. It goes from 5.30pm-7.00pm and entry is $5 at the door. Details on performers are put up each month on their website.

There is still time to enter the triple j Unearthed High competition. Upload an original song to their website by Monday July 23 for your chance to win a lunchtime concert for your school with Bliss n Eso, and record a song in the triple j studios. More information on how to enter and terms and conditions can be found at www.triplejunearthed.com/unearthedhigh.

Treat you and your mohawk cravings once more for Antagonist A.D. (NZ), Lionheart (US) and Shinto Katana. They play at the Tuggeranong Youth Centre on Wednesday August 15. These bands have toured previously with the likes of Parkway Drive, Have Heart and Earth Crisis. Tickets can be purchased through Moshtix.

Cheers,

ANDIE EGAN
allagescolumn@gmail. com

All Ages

Hey folks! So much all ages goodness is skating round this wonderful winter but I feel I must disappoint you with a lack of theme for this column. It’s alright, you can take a pause to manually close your jaw that has comically dropped to the ground. Geez, you look like ET after he saw his phone bill. Take a deep breath in; you’re going to be OK.

Recovered? Good. You should definitely be in full health for when Thick As Blood, hailing all the way from Miami, USA, make their way to the Axis Youth Centre in Queanbeyan on Tuesday June 19. They are supported by Newcastle band Taken By Force, and if the metal fan in you gave you an awesome gory mental image when you combined the two bands’ names then: a) congratulations! You’re just as weird as me, and b) that’s definitely reason enough to be there, not the awesome music or anything… Tickets are $18.40 and can be booked online at Moshtix.

Just don’t party too hard at Thick As Blood because Sydney metalcore band Buried In Verona come to Tuggeranong Youth Centre on Wednesday June 20. That’s two awesome bands in a row! Buried in Verona released their new album Notorious and are touring nationally to promote it. Their supporting bands are The Plot In You, In Hearts Wake and Silent Screams. Tickets are $23.50 and can be booked online at Moshtix or at Oztix.

Is it Christmas, metal fans? Perth metal band Make Them Suffer are also coming to the Tuggeranong Youth Centre on Wednesday July 4. Supporting bands include Signal The Firing Squad and Resist The Thought. The gig starts at 8pm, and tickets can be bought at the door.

A reminder to all the young and talented musicians out there: you still have time to enter the triple j Unearthed High competition. Upload an original song to their website by Monday July 23 and you could win a lunchtime concert for your school with Bliss n Eso, and the chance to record a song in the triple j studios. Entry info/terms and conditions can be found at www.triplejunearthed.com/unearthedhigh.

Why not embrace the fact that you live in Canberra and it gets very, very cold here? Garema Place is opening its very own 400 square metre ice skating rink again this year from Friday June 29-Sunday July 29. Skating sessions run daily from 10am-9:30pm, with later sessions until 11:30pm on Friday and Saturday nights. Tickets start at $12 for concessions and $15 for an adult. Tickets can be booked online at www.inthecitycanberra.com.au.

So folks, that’s all I’ve found on the all ages front for now. Obviously no themed jokes for you but recently I bought a pocket-sized joke book, which imparts pure joy. I chose pocket size so that I could have it handy and easily impress everyone in moments of social awkwardness (so the blurb claims). Try this one out next time things get awkward and tell me if it worked: Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff? Tequila.

ANDIE EGAN

allagescolumn@gmail.com

All Ages

Hey there folks, I know last issue I was going with the whole pirate theme but in preparation for writing in this issue, school work has drilled into my mind and in particular my English Shakespeare school work. I must admit, it’s a lot harder for my mind to think in Elizabethan speech than in a pirate voice (I still find it weird that “loved” ever rhymed with “proved”).

So when school pressures run high, what do I do? Revert to comedy and look up lame Shakespeare jokes, obviously. So Shakespeare walked into a bar. “Get out!” said the barman. “You’re Bard!” Nyahaha, soothes the pain.

Music gigs have been as scarce as King Lear’s sanity this time round. Thankfully I found enough arts/performing arts events to go round for all. It’s seems appropriate that I mention Bell Shakespeare’s production of Macbeth is coming to The Playhouse from Thursday May 17 to Saturday June 2. If you ever wondered why your English teacher became an English teacher (To be, or not to be…an English teacher?), watching this play in the intended medium might give you a very good understanding of why they did. Tickets range from $33-$130 and can be bought from www.canberratheatrecentre.com.au or by calling (02) 6275 2700.

The Tuggeranong Rotary Youth Art Award competition is currently running again, and the closing date draws nearer. This competitions is open to any artists aged 15-25. There is a maximum of two artworks per entrant and all mediums may be submitted for entry. Prizes consist of $2000 for the overall winner and vouchers for the Tuggeranong Arts Centre, Aarwun Gallery and Photoaccess. Submissions are due to the Tuggeranong Arts Centre Gallery by Wednesday May 30. There are also incentives for entrants whose work is in digital media form from the Academy of Interactive Entertainment. For further details you can contact Gallery Coordinator Narelle Phillips at narelle.phillips@tuggeranongarts.com.au or on (02) 6293 1443. Registration forms can be found at www.tuggeranongarts.com/g_competitions.html

I imagine my Shakespeare joke at the beginning of the column would be hard to beat but something gives me a feeling the folks at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival Road Show probably could. Probably. But if you’re interested to know for sure keep either Friday May 25 or Saturday May 26 free for its visit to Canberra Theatre. Tickets for an adult cost $44.90 + bf and $39.90 + bf for concession and can be bought on www.canberratheatrecentre.com.au or by calling (02) 6275 2700. (Warning: this show may contain coarse language, sexual references and material not suitable for children 15 years and under.)

Plainly put, plays were Shakespeare’s thing, but if your taste in theatre doesn’t lie there don’t worry because Phoenix Player’s: How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying is at the ANU Arts Centre until Saturday May 26. The play follows a New York window washer, J. Pierrepont Finch, who has ambitions to climb the corporate ladder, and a self-help book that promises to help him do so. Tickets range from $25-$35 + bf and can be bought online at www.canberrarep.org.au

And once more I’d like to leave with a themed joke: McDonald’s are introducing a new Shakespeare-themed burger inspired by the Bard’s famous Scottish tragedy: the McBeth.

Andie Egan
allagescolumn@gmail.com