Out Of The Way

The Leaves:

If someone comments on the colour of the leaves in this town one more time I’m going to tie them to the very tree they’re captivated by and beat them with a baseball bat until their flesh turns that very same yellow they’re so enamoured with. Then I’m going to break a branch off that tree and set it alight and hold it to their flesh until those deep, autumnal reds come weeping out. Then I might take a shit on their feet just to get those nice, earthy browns in the picture. Autumn, you piss me off. Lovers of the four seasons, you piss me off. I fucking hate the cold, as much in anticipation of it as in its really happening. It’s just a half-arsed preview of winter and it pisses me off!