For fans of Alien and Blade Runner – those engaging, tense Ridley Scott sci-fi classics that taught us how to fear heartburn (because it might actually be an alien spawn) amongst other things – I’m going to do you a big favour. Prometheus is not one of those classics.
In this slick thriller, Scott has traded atmosphere for pretty lights and big actors, and the baffling plot (with more holes than a cheese grater) only makes it all the more apparent what this film isn’t. It isn’t as good as Alien, it isn’t even good sci-fi – in fact, it’s annoying. And stupid. And horrifying in parts, but not in the good way.
In short, a group of scientists (with varying degrees of balls) head into space on a mission, and in the end everyone starts questioning human existence and toying around with penis-shaped aliens, or trying to kill each other/screw each other over. And Fassbender plays a robot.
This is a straight-up blockbuster, so don’t expect any more, but feel free to expect less – you might even end up enjoying this film for what it does manage to offer, which is decent acting and some scares.
At the end of Prometheus, I was left with many questions. How could I get a refund? Why would anyone think a sequel was a good idea? [Ed: ahem, prequel.] What was the last film that disappointed me this much?